"Where Did All the Twinks Go?"

Ask Away Issue No. 3

Dear PJ & Thomas,

For years there were tribes (twink, dad) where the younger guys [are we still young?] wore size small, skinny jeans, and 110lbs. I look around, and many of those types really don’t appear anymore. What is the new “size” and physique? I feel like a skinny fat guy.

-Sincerely, “A twink; should be cub?”

Dear A twink; should be a cub,

Ohhh, I feel like everyone, in some way, can relate to this question. First of all, thank you for asking it with such honesty and humor — because we promise, you’re not the only one looking around wondering, “Wait… when did all the twinks disappear? And why does my body suddenly feel like a vintage tee that shrunk weird in the wash?”

Here’s the good news: we’re in a bit of a post-label, post-body-type renaissance right now. The old tribes still exist, but their borders have gotten a lot blurrier. Twinks are growing up, dads are working on core strength, bears are moisturizing. And a lot of us — especially those of us in our 30s, 40s, and beyond — are sort of floating between categories, wearing mid-rise pants, trying to drink more water, and redefining what “hot” even looks like (hello “dad bod”, which is a total turn on btw!).

The culture used to reward a certain kind of gay male body: tight, tan, and somehow always shirtless everywhere they go. But over time, there’s been a shift. The new “ideal” physique, if there even is one, feels more fluid and forgiving. Think: strength over size. Health over hairlessness. Confidence over categories.

If you're feeling “skinny fat” (a term we’ve all used while standing under horrible lighting), it probably just means you're human, aging like everyone else, and maybe adjusting to a body that doesn’t look like it did at 22 — which, by the way, is completely okay. Bodies evolve. Desirability doesn’t disappear, it just changes shape.

We’ve got three kids, over 80 sheep, and a farm to take care of, which makes it challenging to take care of health. But! We are trying to take better care of ourselves — move our bodies, go to the gym as much as we can during the week, eat things that aren’t just the leftover fried chicken sandwich from our favorite local spot, and say thank you (instead of mean things) when we look in the mirror.

So what’s the “new size”? It’s yours! The one that gets you through the day, carries the groceries, hugs the people you love, and lets you live in your body with a little more softness — inside and out.

And if you’re still craving a “tribe,” maybe look for the people who cheer you on, not size you up.

Love,
PJ & Thomas

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