What a great discussion. I’m 80 years old but in my mind, I think I’m 25! The comments about how, years ago, younger people looked older is so true. When I look at pictures of my mother when I was ten years old and she was 40 she looked about 60! Fashion, hair style etc. had to do with it. An important thing is for people in my age bracket to have a good amount of young friends. I have a lot if them, and being with them always makes me feel younger, and amazingly they enjoy hanging out with me.
I am glad others notice it, too! and yes, I think it's important to surround yourself with friends from all ages so you can get a sense of what was, and what is to come! xx
This is such a great perspective on aging and getting “older.” I have always struggled with it myself too. A big thing for me is comparing my life and where it is currently at to where others were at at my age that I know. I have to remind myself that I am a different person living a different life so it makes sense that it doesn’t look the same or similar to someone else. On the physical side, I started getting gray hair at 13.... haha so for me, now, it’s more of the thinning hair which I refuse to let go in my 30s.. I am also on a fitness journey as well and have been finding it that much harder to get in shape than like 10 years ago. It’s honestly fascinating to see how the body changes as we age. Thanks for the insight on burnout too! I’m learning fast how even burnout affects us as we age!
I knew I was close to your mother’s age, Thomas, but I didn’t realize we are exactly the same age. And there are ways in which I really feel my age and other ways in which I don’t. My knees, for example, have felt old for at least 20 years. And I certainly understand myself better mentally and emotionally than I ever have. But I feel like I am a lot less judgmental and dismissive of younger people than many my age and older, and I’m more willing to accept people who are different from me. It’s funny that I am already older by about three years than my father ever got to be, but he still seems like he was much older when he died in than I feel like I am now. On the other hand, as I’ve mentioned, my mother is 95, and though her health is not great (she is currently in a rehab facility), she was still quite active past the age of 90. I’ve always suspected I got more of her genes than my father’s, so there’s at least an OK chance that I’ll be around another 20 years or more. And I hope I can keep that sense of mental youth, whatever my physical age.
so many goodies in your comment, Lane. I love that you're less judgmental towards the younger generations. I hope I am that way, too. and your sweet mother!! 95 years is amazing. I hope you (and me!) live to be her age as well!!!
Well I can't help smiling as a read your thoughts. You are a very god person and you shold be proud of who you are and will become. I'm 83 and frequently can't believe I'm still here. I remember being your age . It was the decade that I was at the peak of my powers. I accomplished so much during those years . I remember my Grandmother in her 60's and she was an old lady; She wore nurse's oxfords (museum pieces now), a black dress and hat when she went out and she looked old. She died at the age of 74. I compare my 60's and 70's and there is a world of difference. I have always looked young and have a positive outlook which has helped me get through later physical challenges. I sense that positivity in you and PJ..it will serve you well as partners and parents.Enjoy your transition years from kids to young adults and in the future to middle age. I doublt I'll be around for the ride but I'm sure it will be wonderful.
Walter, so cute about what your grandmother wore when going out! and thank you for sharing one of your secrets about staying positive! I will do my best, and hoping we will make it to 83 as well!
Had to read this twice there was a lot to chew on. When I was younger I too thought about getting old. But now being I'm 68 I don't think about at all I stopped when I hit the big 5-0. I read an article about older members of LGBTQ community. The one thing that stuck out was how When they someone come in to clean or provide health assistance or repair, they had to hide anything that showed they were gay like pictures, paintings and such. If they didn't they might not be able to get such services again. It's like history repeating itself. Scary stuff. On a happier note your mother looks fabulous always does. If you have her genes you will not have to worry about getting old.
okay that is horrible re: the cleaning services!! and thank you for the comment about my mom. I think she is the most wonderful person I have ever met.
I work part time at a funeral home and see death from miscarriages, newborns to centurions and can tell you aging is a blessing. I’m 64 and see the senior years as reaping the rewards of caring well for yourself when younger or aging poorly because you didn’t. Caring for yourself and others is always advisable. My dad died recently at 95 and lived a charmed life by taking care of himself and being cared for by loved ones.
How old one feels, acts, and appears in public (or at home) depends on one's attitude about life. Most important to me though, is to live and enjoy the NOW; cherish the moment. Too often, people worry over little things in the past (can't change it) or dread what is about to happen. This prevents them from focusing on what is going on before their very eyes; they miss some wonderful moments. Eat sensibly, stay fit (Does exercise give you a high? Yup! I get that all the time.) My only problem: my family and friends I truly love are passing at a frightening rate. But, that's the bittersweet cycle of our humankind. Stay in the moment!
I really enjoyed this read and hearing your perspective on aging. I agree with others about the fact that I “feel so much younger in my mind”, although I greatly appreciate all the things I’ve learned as I’ve gotten older. I love the part of myself that is less judgmental, more accepting and actually celebrates the wins of others! I can only hope that as I continue growing older, I also continue learning and can leave some lasting impression of kindness and love for others. 💙
I really needed this! 🥲 longtime fan, but first time substack subscriber! This piece was so well-written, and made me feel as though I was speaking directly to you! I majored in Journalism M.A. (Emerson College) and after reading so many pieces in my studies, I can truly say Thomas is a talented writer! So happy to be supporting you guys this way! Keep making content like this! We all come to grips with our mortality and the realization that we are getting older. This was a nice articulation of that! Love it!
What a great discussion. I’m 80 years old but in my mind, I think I’m 25! The comments about how, years ago, younger people looked older is so true. When I look at pictures of my mother when I was ten years old and she was 40 she looked about 60! Fashion, hair style etc. had to do with it. An important thing is for people in my age bracket to have a good amount of young friends. I have a lot if them, and being with them always makes me feel younger, and amazingly they enjoy hanging out with me.
I am glad others notice it, too! and yes, I think it's important to surround yourself with friends from all ages so you can get a sense of what was, and what is to come! xx
This is such a great perspective on aging and getting “older.” I have always struggled with it myself too. A big thing for me is comparing my life and where it is currently at to where others were at at my age that I know. I have to remind myself that I am a different person living a different life so it makes sense that it doesn’t look the same or similar to someone else. On the physical side, I started getting gray hair at 13.... haha so for me, now, it’s more of the thinning hair which I refuse to let go in my 30s.. I am also on a fitness journey as well and have been finding it that much harder to get in shape than like 10 years ago. It’s honestly fascinating to see how the body changes as we age. Thanks for the insight on burnout too! I’m learning fast how even burnout affects us as we age!
it IS fascinating, you're right! so much to learn and lean into as we age, and we (hopefully) experience that for a long time
I knew I was close to your mother’s age, Thomas, but I didn’t realize we are exactly the same age. And there are ways in which I really feel my age and other ways in which I don’t. My knees, for example, have felt old for at least 20 years. And I certainly understand myself better mentally and emotionally than I ever have. But I feel like I am a lot less judgmental and dismissive of younger people than many my age and older, and I’m more willing to accept people who are different from me. It’s funny that I am already older by about three years than my father ever got to be, but he still seems like he was much older when he died in than I feel like I am now. On the other hand, as I’ve mentioned, my mother is 95, and though her health is not great (she is currently in a rehab facility), she was still quite active past the age of 90. I’ve always suspected I got more of her genes than my father’s, so there’s at least an OK chance that I’ll be around another 20 years or more. And I hope I can keep that sense of mental youth, whatever my physical age.
so many goodies in your comment, Lane. I love that you're less judgmental towards the younger generations. I hope I am that way, too. and your sweet mother!! 95 years is amazing. I hope you (and me!) live to be her age as well!!!
Walter Vestal
Well I can't help smiling as a read your thoughts. You are a very god person and you shold be proud of who you are and will become. I'm 83 and frequently can't believe I'm still here. I remember being your age . It was the decade that I was at the peak of my powers. I accomplished so much during those years . I remember my Grandmother in her 60's and she was an old lady; She wore nurse's oxfords (museum pieces now), a black dress and hat when she went out and she looked old. She died at the age of 74. I compare my 60's and 70's and there is a world of difference. I have always looked young and have a positive outlook which has helped me get through later physical challenges. I sense that positivity in you and PJ..it will serve you well as partners and parents.Enjoy your transition years from kids to young adults and in the future to middle age. I doublt I'll be around for the ride but I'm sure it will be wonderful.
Walter, so cute about what your grandmother wore when going out! and thank you for sharing one of your secrets about staying positive! I will do my best, and hoping we will make it to 83 as well!
Wow Thomas,
Had to read this twice there was a lot to chew on. When I was younger I too thought about getting old. But now being I'm 68 I don't think about at all I stopped when I hit the big 5-0. I read an article about older members of LGBTQ community. The one thing that stuck out was how When they someone come in to clean or provide health assistance or repair, they had to hide anything that showed they were gay like pictures, paintings and such. If they didn't they might not be able to get such services again. It's like history repeating itself. Scary stuff. On a happier note your mother looks fabulous always does. If you have her genes you will not have to worry about getting old.
okay that is horrible re: the cleaning services!! and thank you for the comment about my mom. I think she is the most wonderful person I have ever met.
I work part time at a funeral home and see death from miscarriages, newborns to centurions and can tell you aging is a blessing. I’m 64 and see the senior years as reaping the rewards of caring well for yourself when younger or aging poorly because you didn’t. Caring for yourself and others is always advisable. My dad died recently at 95 and lived a charmed life by taking care of himself and being cared for by loved ones.
aging is SUCH a blessing, yes Billy!! may we all be so blessed to live to be 95 like your dear father. love to you xoxo
How old one feels, acts, and appears in public (or at home) depends on one's attitude about life. Most important to me though, is to live and enjoy the NOW; cherish the moment. Too often, people worry over little things in the past (can't change it) or dread what is about to happen. This prevents them from focusing on what is going on before their very eyes; they miss some wonderful moments. Eat sensibly, stay fit (Does exercise give you a high? Yup! I get that all the time.) My only problem: my family and friends I truly love are passing at a frightening rate. But, that's the bittersweet cycle of our humankind. Stay in the moment!
I wholeheartedly agree with everything you said, Jerry!
I really enjoyed this read and hearing your perspective on aging. I agree with others about the fact that I “feel so much younger in my mind”, although I greatly appreciate all the things I’ve learned as I’ve gotten older. I love the part of myself that is less judgmental, more accepting and actually celebrates the wins of others! I can only hope that as I continue growing older, I also continue learning and can leave some lasting impression of kindness and love for others. 💙
thanks for reading, Rebecca, and I loved hearing the parts of yourself that you love! thanks for sharing!
I really needed this! 🥲 longtime fan, but first time substack subscriber! This piece was so well-written, and made me feel as though I was speaking directly to you! I majored in Journalism M.A. (Emerson College) and after reading so many pieces in my studies, I can truly say Thomas is a talented writer! So happy to be supporting you guys this way! Keep making content like this! We all come to grips with our mortality and the realization that we are getting older. This was a nice articulation of that! Love it!
Tristyn! oh my goodness, it's so good to see your name pop up here!! thank you for subscribing, love. see you later on today! xo