How We Explore Each Other's Kinks and 20 Other Questions on Life, Sex, and Love
Including how we feel about open relationships, how we make gay friends & navigate imposter syndrome, and how many times a week we have sex
Somehow it’s June and this is only our second Q&A of 2025. The last one we did was back in January, which feels like an absolute lifetime ago at this point. It was cold and rainy when we answered questions like what are fetishes are, what we think about body hair, and an explanation of all my tattoos. The questions were all over the place, but so fun to answer! I can’t believe we waited so long in between these posts.
But here we are. New season, same curiosity. These are some of our favorite newsletters to put together. There’s something so comforting about sitting with a pile of questions from people who are trying, just like we are, to love better, to understand their partners, to feel less alone in the weirdness of being a human in a relationship and in a world that feels like it’s on the brink of destruction every other day.
This round, we’re talking about how we explore kinks (without losing the plot), how we make time for ourselves as individuals, how we make gay friends as adults, how we became influencers, whether we have less sex now that we’re dads, and where our pets end up sleeping each night (you guys didn’t hold back!).
These questions made us think, laugh, and even pause mid-answer to have a whole new conversation. We hope they do the same for you. xoxoxo
New to your account. How long have you two been together?
First of all, hi! And welcome! We’re so glad you’re here. We’ve been together for 15 years this year, and will celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary in October. All of that feels so weird to type!! If you want to learn more about us, you can watch this interview we did with the Today Show.
Have you guys ever been into wearing speedos? Would you ever be?
We don’t own any pairs, but we have worn them once on a trip with a bunch of our best friends back in…maybe 2018? We were all in the hotel room and they brought a few pairs with them, and on a whim, we decided to try them on. They were interesting. Not terrible comfortable, but we didn’t mind the way they looked! I think the only way we would wear them is if it was another friends trip and there were no kids in sight.
I’m coming out at age 48. Late bloomer :). Do you have any dating advice for a newbie?
Firstly, congratulations! You’re not late; you’re right on time for your story. My advice? Be curious, be kind to yourself, and don’t rush anything. The right people will be drawn to your honesty and your heart, not your experience level. You’ve got this.
Who are your biggest inspirations in life and why?
For PJ, it’s hands down Martha Stewart. He used to watch her show when he was little, taking notes on her gardening tips. Her work ethic, business acumen, and desire to learn something new every day speaks to his soul. And I know why—it’s exactly how he is. They’re both very type A and are perfectionists to a T. His love of Martha has rubbed off on me, too, and we devour any and all documentaries, interviews, or classes about her.
For me, I would say my biggest inspiration in life is my mom. The way she goes through life, not caring what people think of her and leading with integrity, doing what she believes is the right thing to do, even when no one is looking, is how I want to live. She raised us by herself, working three jobs to put us through Catholic school and always taught us the importance of doing the right thing. If I could be half the parent she is, I would be all right.
What were your majors in college?
I majored in Communications with a minor in Speech, and PJ majored in Psychology, but also got a two-year degree in Construction Management. I took Communications classes because they were fun (Video Editing 1 & 2, Photojournalism classes, etc.), and I never in a million years thought I would actually use my major, but I must say, I use so much of what I learned in college in our career. Writing, video editing, being creative. It’s all part of it.
NSFW alert! How do you cope if you both have different kinks? How do you explore it?