Call Me By Your (Last) Name
How to choose whose name to take after getting married.
Watch
Argylle. Elly Conway is a best-selling novelist of a series of spy books called Argylle, named after the main character in her books. In the middle of writing her latest book, suddenly everything she’s writing turns out to be happening in real life, which has a secret organization after her in hopes that she can reveal the secrets she’s supposedly keeping. It’s a fun action spy thriller with some funny moments in it, and the twist of who the real Argylle is sent me for a spin. When this movie, somewhat based on the book of the same name, came out in theaters a few months ago, I wanted to see it so badly, especially because of all the hype surrounding who the real Elly Conway is (could she actually be Taylor Swift?!) Overall it was just an okay film, but I do recommend it for mindless movie watching on the couch with a big bowl of popcorn!
You can watch Argylle on Apple TV+
Read
Gays name the “40 and older” male celebs they find incredibly attractive. I was reading this list and couldn’t believe a lot of these guys are over 40. We’re all getting older! Still, a few of our faves made the list, including our top crush of all time, Jake Gyllenhaal. Also, how is Wentworth Miller 52?!
You can check out the full list here on Queerty.
Listen
Chappell Roan. Our best friend recommended Chappell Roan over dinner the other night, saying he thinks we would love her. Turns out, he was right. Our favorite song by hers right now is “Casual”, with cheeky lyrics like, “Knee deep in the passenger seat and you're eating me out, Is it casual now? Two weeks and your mom invites me to her house on Long Beach, Is it casual now?” She is effortlessly cool, and the laid back, California vibes of her music is perfect for summer.
You can listen to Chappel Roan anywhere you get your music.
I feel like the conversation around changing your last name after getting married is either extremely important to you, or you couldn’t care less on the matter. I happen to be of the former group, and we actually put a lot of thought into whose name we wanted as our family name.
Deciding whose name to take is a very personal choice, and it isn’t always an easy one. One of the most common questions we’ve been asked over the years is how we settled on McKay for our last name. Were there deep discussions? Any arguments? Did one of us want to go a certain direction and the other didn’t?
After digging into this more, and asking you how you landed on whose name to use after getting married, I realized there could be a million different reasons. It all depends on what works for you and your family.
Below, we wanted to share some of your reasons:
“We created a new last name using elements of both! Thompson & Berndtson became Thoernson. THO from Thompson, ERN from Berndtson, and SON from both. Haven’t legally changed it yet (state of CA didn’t let us when we got married… 5 years ago, lol) but we wanted one name for when we have kids. Plus, our last names hyphenated sounds like beatboxing 😂.” -Tim
“My husband and I have the same first name so we had to keep our last names different 😆” -Dan
“My husband and I got married yesterday! Since we are both named Josh, we chose to keep our names unchanged. If we had changed names, our lives would be even more confusing than they already are! 😂” -Josh
“My husband is adopted and was raised by the woman who adopted him so we changed our last name to hers and surprised her when we got married.” -Chris
“My husband and I got married yesterday! Since we are both named Josh, we chose to keep our names unchanged. If we had changed names, our lives would be even more confusing than they already are! 😂” -Josh
“I kept my last name and added my husband’s. Wanted both my Swedish last name and my husband’s Indian last name. I like the initials it makes. ❤️” -Matilda
“We both have unique last names with long ancestry plus it would be trick for both of our careers to switch so we decided to keep them as is. But our kids (when our adoption is finished) will have both our last names. Ps. We live in Sweden where marriage is kind of uncommon even for straight people.” -Johannes
“We decided to combine ours as we were combining outer lives! We went alphabetically as Emery-Howard!” -Christian
“Just married my husband on April 6th after being together for ten years! We kept our own last names because of our professions and our work licenses (I am a nurse and my husband Joe is an attorney). Sometimes it’s just easier to keep your last name and in our case, we couldn’t agree more!” -Jarett
“My original name was Ryan Arrowsmith. My husband’s last name is Smith. When we got married, I took his last name, but I also managed to drop my original middle name and change it to “Arrow”. So I went from Ryan Arrowsmith to Ryan Arrowsmith Smith, and got to keep my IG handle, my email addresses, etc. How genius was that? Way genius. 😂😂” -Ryan
“Changed my last name from Connors to Fast. I changed mine because I wanted to share the same last name as my husband and our future children. My husband is in the events world so it was important for him to keep his last name. It took some getting used to but after two years I can say that I’m finally used to introducing myself as Sean Fast” -Sean
“We got married 4 years ago and chose to keep our names because of our professions. I’m a physician so my patients, certifying exams and license are all under my name. My husband is a professional singer, so name recognition and previous press is important. Our kids will have a hyphenated name 😊”-Jake
Changing your last name, much like a tattoo or a wedding ring, is a symbol; an act of love. I believe symbols are powerful and let others know what you stand for. They’re also a reminder of the love you have for your significant other, both publicly and personally. I always feel a sense of pride when I introduce myself or sign my name as “Thomas McKay”. All these years later and it never gets old hearing those two words together.
I get the same feeling when I read “PJ and Thomas Mckay” somewhere. It signifies we’re a unit; a family that sticks together through thick and thin. And of course, when I see all five of our family’s names together, I swell with joy at how far we’ve come since our relationship began 14 years ago. From two young boys just starting out, to having a family and a business and a life together, a last name can signify so much more than just two words on a piece of paper.
In a heterosexual marriage, most often (but obviously not always!) the woman takes the man’s last name, and there isn’t much thought given to the matter. My older sister took her husband’s last name when they got married 20 years ago. My SIL took my brother’s last name when they got married three years ago. And my younger sister, who married her wife last year, took her wife’s last name. So even though, usually, the woman takes the man’s last name in a heterosexual marriage, when it comes to gay marriage, the decision can be tricky at times if you’re struggling to choose whose name to take.
Today I wanted to dive into how we became the family McKay and the decisions that led up to me changing my last name to PJ’s.