How Long Is ‘Too Long’ to Go Without Sex in a Relationship?
Spoiler: You’re probably more normal than you think. Let's discuss.
Picture this: it’s 11:17 p.m., your partner is brushing their teeth, you’re doom-scrolling, and suddenly you wonder…Is it weird we haven’t had sex in a while?
Or maybe you haven’t even noticed it’s been a while until one of your friends offhandedly mentions their “two-month dry spell” over dinner and everyone nods solemnly like they’re at a funeral.
So how long is “too long”?
This is one of those questions people whisper about, joke about, or quietly Google after their partner falls asleep. But rarely do we talk about it out loud with any real honesty. Probably because sex, especially in long-term relationships, is one of the most personal and quietly pressurized parts of a couple’s life.
And spoiler alert: there’s no one-size-fits-all answer. But that doesn’t mean the question isn’t worth asking.
Wait, do people really go months without sex?
Yes! And years, even. And sometimes they’re fine with it. And sometimes…they’re really not.
What makes this topic tricky is how deeply private it is. No two relationships are the same. I’ve had conversations with friends who are totally content going long stretches without sex. It’s just not how they connect. And I’ve had other friends admit, with a kind of quiet panic, that they’re not sure the last time they and their partner even kissed for real, let alone anything else.
And in all of those conversations, there’s usually a shared undercurrent of: Are we okay?