Dear PJ & Thomas,
My partner and I just moved in together, and it's the first time either of us has lived with a significant other. It is going well, but how do you maximize the need for occasional alone time while living under the same roof — and without hurting one another's feelings? Things are going really well so far, but I'm struggling to find the time and space to read, which is my favorite hobby.
-Zach H.
Dear Zach H.,
Congratulations on the big step! Moving in with your partner is such a thrilling, tender, and slightly chaotic milestone — one filled with mismatched Tupperware (always), shared grocery lists (cute) , and the slow realization that you might have to pick someone else’s towel off the bathroom floor for the foreseeable future. I remember when we moved in together, it was a time of many firsts, even though we had been together for five years at that point.
It sounds like the transition is going well overall, which is no small thing — it means you’re communicating, laughing, adapting. But even in the happiest partnerships, sharing space for the first time can quietly raise a very real question: How do I protect my sense of self while building a life with someone else?
Because that’s what this is really about, right? Reading isn’t just a hobby for you. It’s how you recharge. In a way, it sounds like it’s the way you come home to yourself. And when you’re living under the same roof with someone you love — someone you want to spend time with — it can be surprisingly tricky to carve out moments for solitude without it feeling like rejection.
So here’s our advice: start by normalizing it. Not just for them, but for you too. Needing alone time isn’t selfish. It’s not an insult. It’s human. It’s healthy. And in a relationship, it’s a sign of strength — not distance. It says: I trust this enough to take a breath outside of it.
And when you talk about it, frame it from a place of joy, not deprivation. Instead of saying, “I just need space,” you can say something like, “I’ve been missing my reading time, I think I’m going to curl up with my book for a bit tonight.” It makes it clear that this isn’t about pulling away from them — it’s about returning to something that fills you up.
You might even find little rituals that help create that space more gently. A reading nook with your favorite blanket. A weekend walk alone with your headphones. A “quiet hour” at home on Sunday evenings, where you both do your own thing — not because you need a break from each other, but because you both deserve time to be your own people.
And when it feels right, invite your partner into your love for reading, too — not always, but occasionally. A cozy night where you both read your own books on the couch. A shared pot of coffee or tea. No pressure to talk, just a sweet parallel presence that says, “We’re together, even when we’re apart.”
The truth is, love grows when we let it be. You don’t have to trade your inner world for a shared one. You get to keep both. You get to keep you.
And you get to finish your book.
Love,
PJ & Thomas
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"The truth is, love grows when we let it be. You don’t have to trade your inner world for a shared one. You get to keep both. You get to keep you." - 👍👍 how true!
such wonderful AND important words for the success of ANY partnership!! You nailed it!!
Love it ... John