34 Lessons I've Learned in 34 Years of Life
"Comparison is the thief of joy"
I turned 34 on Sunday.
And like I do every March 30th, I found myself reflecting on my life and where I’m at currently. We spent my birthday weekend at our beach shack in Panama City Beach, FL, and you can see the musings of the day we celebrated here. And then for my actual birthday, we made the eight-hour drive back home, which actually turned out to be a nice, relaxing day in the car with my family.
I think a lot about my life, mostly because I didn’t know one like it would ever be possible for me. Growing up in a small, southern, conservative town like ours, you just kind of accept the way you think things will go for you. I was going to marry a woman, probably have kids, and spend the rest of my life hiding who I really was from everyone around me. I could not, under any circumstances, see how I would ever come out.
It felt insurmountable. It felt impossible. It felt like someone was telling me to climb the tallest mountain in the world, and I had no idea where to start. I had made up my mind: I could never come out. Ever.
That kind of thinking changed, of course, when I met PJ. When we were together, suddenly, anything and everything felt possible. PJ has a way of making things happen. He always has. And so, all of a sudden, things that seemed big and scary and impossible felt smaller and easier and doable with him by my side. He changed my life in every way, and for that, I am forever grateful. My life wouldn’t be what it is today without him, and that’s a realization I don’t ever take for granted.
I love being a dad. I love being a dad alongside PJ and watching him parent our children. It’s funny- when you grow up with someone and then decide to grow old with them too- how your perspective of aging changes. Allan, our oldest, is only nine years younger than the age I was when I met PJ. Entire lifetimes have gone by in the time span we’ve been together, and from time to time, I find myself thinking about the way our life has turned out. I was just a baby when we got together, and he wasn’t much older.
Even though I didn’t know getting married to a man and starting a family like ours was possible growing up, I feel like I am exactly who I am and where I am supposed to be. My twenties were filled with insecurities about who I was as a person and, more importantly, who I wasn't. Now that I’m in my thirties (which I love, by the way), I know my strengths and my shortcomings. I know what my interests are and where I would rather not waste my time.
It took over 30 years, but I finally feel like I know myself fully- or at least as well as you can know anyone, I guess. I love my role as a husband, as a parent, and as a friend. And while I feel like I constantly fail or don’t do as well as I would like to at any of them, I know now that life will always be full of ups and downs, of good days and bad days, of Keeps & Deletes.
I’ve learned a few things over the years and took a week to narrow down the most important ones to me. These are my rules for life- or at least the ones worth sharing. I would love to hear some of yours as well, if you’re in a sharing mood.
34 Lessons I’ve Learned
Rest is productive. You don’t have to earn rest; you deserve it.
Nobody can make you feel anything; you choose to feel how you do, whether you realize it or not. When sharing your feelings, instead of saying “You’re making me so angry!” try, instead, saying, “When you XYZ, I feel angry.” There is a freedom in reclaiming your feelings instead of giving others so much power over them, and it’s up to you whether to let something affect you or not.
You don’t have to be for everyone. And not everyone is for you. That’s okay.